To the crabby Chesterfield County bus driver this morning:

* I wrote this letter this morning. It's personal, it's raw, it's pure guilt. I think that's good though. I think through my mistake I made this morning you can learn some valuable lessons. 

1: never ever assume your life is so much worse than that of a person giving you a hard time. Craptastic days happen to everyone, you're not alone. 

2: Christians aren't perfect, we're forgiven. We are human and we sin. 

3: Anger is a dangerous, dangerous thing, we have to learn to turn it into something positive. 

I don't know who she was, what bus number she drove but if you know a Chesterfield county bus driver, share this post, maybe she will read it and know, I'm sorry, I was wrong, it was hurtful and uncalled for. *

To the crabby Chesterfield County bus driver this morning: 

I drop my daughter off at school every morning the way the parking lot/ entry is laid out  there's a line of anxious parents to the left of the entry, ready and in a hurry to drop off their precious at school. To the right of the entry is for buses, teachers and parents to get through to the bus drop off and parking lots. If you're trying to reach the parking lots you must drive down the right side stop and look for oncoming traffic (because four lanes with a median turns into 2 lanes here) go on the wrong side of the road for about a car length and a half and dart into one of the 2 lots. 

This morning was different for me. This morning I was one of the parents going to the parking lot. Today has been hectic, this week has been hellish. 

On any normal morning I have a 2 bus rule. I will let 1-2 buses out on my way through (both ways). You have to be aggressive because if you aren't the buses will take advantage of your kindness and you'll be sitting there with a train of yellow boxes clogging both the entry and exit of the school. I try not to inconvenience anyone because I know some of the parents are headed to work or school or somewhere more important than I am, I'm just going home on most days. 

This morning as I darted around the line of cars and came to where the buses enter/exit I let 1 bus in and 1 bus out. You were next. But I went ahead (because you do have to stop there, ya know) I saw you edging out trying to take advantage of my seemingly kind gesture to the other buses. I moved up aggressively I was going around any way. When I looked for oncoming traffic there were 2 cars coming which caused my back bumper to impede your progress across the busy intersection for all of 20 seconds. I even said out loud oops, sorry lady I didn't see the cars coming, it's not like you had enough time to get out, but you're bigger and we have brakes, right? What happened next shocked me...you laid on your horn! I mean laid on it. At first I said out loud where you could read my lips 'I'm sorry' but as I made eye contact with you you're angry look and glare upset me and I mouthed the word 'b*tch' to you (so that my children didn't hear) . For that, I'm sorry. I'm not sure why it managed to come out. 

I got to thinking how you know nothing about me, about my life, my stresses. You've got no clue that Murphy and his law has made permanent residence in my home, that I am constantly anxious dealing with certain issues in my life, you don't know that buckled in the back seat is 2 of my 3 kids, one of which is my last that I will ever have. You have no idea that when I go home he has to do physical therapy exercises, wear braces on his legs and be catheterized every 4 hours because he can't even control his own bowel and bladder. I even muttered the words 'you've dropped your kids off, what is the hurry? You gotta get home to eat Bon bons?' 

Truth is, I don't know your stresses either. I know you aren't new to the bus driving game. You appear old enough to have been doing this for a few years. Maybe it is just a job to you, or perhaps you love those kids regardless of the disrespect you likely find yourself receiving from them. The snotty noses, 'down in back', crossing RR tracks, screaming, yelling, hitting, pushing. The same thing I deal with daily times 10. 

So maybe we both needed to get a little stress out this morning and unfortunately we were both victim of the others glare/words/horn/anger. 

So, I'm sorry. I don't know if you'll even read this, I hope you do (I don't even know your bus number) I'm not a bad person, I'm usually quite personable, kind, generous, forgiving, helpful person. This morning I didn't not display that nor did I display the kind of Christian lifestyle I try to live and, for that,  I owe you a huge apology.