Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Simple things

Sometimes, as an adult, I let the pressures of everyday life stress me to the max. It's weird because there's nothing you can do to stop it. It's like when you get married, buy a house and have children Murphy's law moves in- for eternity. This morning didn't go how it was supposed to (does it ever?) 
Avery was exhausted and emotional, it's her last day of preschool. (Where on earth does time go?). She whined complained, couldn't get her seat belt right, her hair was annoying her, Gavin was looking at her wrong, you know normal childhood drama. Little did I know what was about to take place. 

I've raised my children to know who Jesus is though we don't attend church on the regular basis Christianity is constant in our home. Avery is wise beyond her years or perhaps it's their innocence that allows them to truly see. They've not had their brain cluttered with daily nonsense. 

Avery started a conversation about graduation and Gavin asked her a multitude of questions and she obliged with answers. Then he said is everyone coming? Avery said yes, everyone except Mema and Bumpy (Mema just passed last week). Gavin said yeah, they're old. Which then turned to talk about angels. (My Nanny has always since I can remember called my freckles angel kisses so that has stuck and we call them that too). For those that don't know, Gavin has Spina Bifida he is basically incontinent (that was seriously the hardest sentence I believe I have had to write in years) and wears AFOs (braces) that allow him to walk without falling that also cause painful blisters if you aren't careful, his toes split open because his skin is so dry from the ditropan that he takes and it doesn't allow him to sweat so he itches constantly.    

the conversation went a little something like this: 

Avery: you know Mema and Bumpy are still here, they are angels and they float around and kiss you while you sleep and when you wake up, there is a freckle. 
Gavin: I don't like freckles, do I have freckles? 
Me: yes, Gavin, you have Freckles. 
Avery: it's ok Gavin, don't you want the angels to kiss you? Mema and Bumpy and everyone is in Heaven, with Jesus Gavin!
Gavin: I want to live with Jesus! 
(Now let me just stop here a second. This is not something that scares me, I can see some parents freaking out because they think "my child wants to die!" That is not the case. My heart fluttered, my eyes began to well up with tears, my children want to live their life in such a way that they will live with JESUS! It made me happy, I AM doing an ok job at parenting!) 
Avery: you will someday Gman, and guess what!? 
Gavin: *excited* WHAT!!!??
Avery: when you go and live with Jesus, you won't have to get your pee pee out any more (cathing) you won't have to get your poopoo out anymore (enemas) your foot won't hurt and you won't need braces, you won't have cuts and blisters because no one hurts in Heaven. 

Now the conversation lasted another 10 minutes but I was vacant, thinking of what Avery had said. A million things went trough my mind and I was crying, tears streaming down my face as I drive my big girl to school.  She went on to explain what Heaven looked like (in her mind, or perhaps she knows?) thoughts running through my mind I could only grab one at a time. Some were sad, the realization that Gavin isn't normal, that he can't do those things and my only hope for him to gain those things are miracles. Then I started to think how special Gavin was and how Nanny told Walker how he was so special because he was my first born. Had I ever told Avery she was special? I know I have, but guilt over came me, because she is SO SPECIAL! Then seconds later happiness. I cannot even put into words what that teeny simple conversation between a 4 & 5 year old did to me. But I know on the way home it was silent, my phone didn't ring, the radio was blocked out, Gavin didn't say a word. I just sat there driving, thinking, praying. I don't know what I did to deserve such wonderful children, but I am sure thankful. It opened my eyes to innocence, it reminded me that He will carry my burdens for me if I ask. And in an instant, I knew everything would be fine. 

Wednesday, May 22, 2013


There are so many things that can be said about Mema. I didn't know her long but she left a lasting impression on me. 

 Somewhere around 7 years ago I walked into my soon to be in-laws house. Sitting there was a gray haired short lady with a heavy British accent. She was outspoken yet kind. I was SO nervous to meet her. I knew that she was the "ring leader" (ha) I was convinced if Mema didn't like me I was at the bottom of the food chain. I don't know if she really loved me or just tolerated me, but she was never cross with me and I loved her very much. 
 Over the years I got to know her well. I'd sit at her house and talk with her while Jason mowed her grass. She'd tell me stories, usually the same stories but I loved to hear them. They were her stories and she wanted them remembered. It didn't matter how many times she told them I'd listen as if it were the first time. I heard stories about WWII how she watched people die saw body parts in trees, how they stayed in bomb shelters and had rations "1 egg and slice of bacon per person per week" how she served in the Royal Navy, how she met her husband and married him. She got 10 days in the brig for being AWOL to marry him. She endured months without him, 4 weeks in an interrogation camp before she was ever able to come here and be with him.  
My favorite story to hear was the one about when they got married. The magistrate had informed Bumpy that he had to have been a resident for 6 weeks before he could get married. So he says to him "son, how long have you lived here?" To which Bumpy replies "2 days sir" so the magistrate says "ONCE AGAIN SON- How LONG have you lived here?" Again bumpy says "2 days, Sir" the magistrate looks at Mema as if to say is something wrong with his brain? Mema jabs him in the side and the magistrate says "ONCE AGAIN, SON" and bumpy says "6 weeks, sir!!!"
She always lit up with that story even when she had gotten bad and didn't know who I was that story made her eyes twinkle. 

 Mema defeated death several times (in just the 6 years I've been married) . I remember one time in particular I was pregnant with Gavin, we'd just received the news he had SB. We didn't want to tell Mema because she was in the Hospital. She had asked me how the baby was, I replied with good. She wanted to feel him move, at this time he was active but not normally in the day. I remember praying God please PLEASE let him kick one time so Mema can at least feel him if she never holds him. He did, she felt him. I remember being so thankful I'd at least have that story to tell my son about his Great-Grandma. She survived it. And every single time after that. When Bumpy died, I was positive it was a matter of weeks, maybe months and Mema would join him. She didn't. She just kept on keeping on, which was exactly the type of woman she was, stubborn, feisty, strong, she was the boss and everyone knew it.  

 Mema would have been 95 in July.  Monday night she went to be with Jesus. I know that she is happy there, her family is there, her husband. We will miss her dearly. 

Thursday, May 2, 2013

I'm backkkkkkkk

Today I came here to read something I had written some time ago.

Floods of emotions came back as I got lost in my own posts.

I don't know why I haven't written anything in so long, busy? Lack of words? (Yeah I know, not me, I've always got something to say)

I think it's a combination if all things, life gets hectic, then even more hectic and eventually, there's a break, a silver lining, God was listening.

Life has been relentless the past few months, doctors, specialists dentists, cathing, medicine and dosage, school and dance... 5 things break all at once and then again, you find yourself fallen and you have to remember to pick yourself backup and keep fighting the good fight.

So I am back, I think (hope). I want to continue to write, to share my lessons learned. I'm also getting back to my cooking blog. Here's the link to that and the Facebook page link is on that can follow as well.

Much love!