Yearning.

The more I yearn for a social life the more I realize "don't eat that" "pick up your toys" "please tell me that is a rock and not dog poop"  or "you better hope mr clean eraser can fix this" is all the social interaction I need. The older I get the more I realize that some friends are just not what I had thought.

One certainly gets wiser with age and experience.

If you ask my mother who her best friend is, without hesitation she will answer "my husband" she is a dying breed of woman. She really is. This woman was put on this earth for a reason, to be a mother. She is the June Cleaver From the 70's to the present. I want to be just like her. She put aside everything, she had no social life for years. She worked every now and again, probably yearning for that social life that many of us yearn for but the second that it conflicted with home it was dropped. My sister and I are close in age. When my brother was born I was 14, mom was thrust back into being a mommy again, she was good at it, she glowed. Ashton is off to college now and I can safely assume mom is lost. Truth is she is still very much needed just not daily, we are all able to wipe ourselves :) and cook now (well Ashton maybe eating ramen noodles and grilled cheese but he ain't starving I'm sure).

I have friends, good friends most of which are not near me. I watch Facebook statuses say how much fun such and such had with whomever. I get a little green sometimes but then as I tuck Gavin in to bed and say "I love you, sleep good" and hear this little voice say As I shut the door "wuv ewe too momma, eep good" it is all ok, then as we tuck Avery in and I hear her sweet voice say her prayers ask for a hug and kiss, it all melts away, then to hear Walker in front of all his friends tell me he loves me...it's all worth it. I'd sacrifice everything for their happiness, everything.

Life is rough, especially these days, making ends meet, making all the schedules click. As a matter of fact the day I turned 18 life got complicated. It has been one hell of a ride, some good, some bad, some horrific, some unforgettable. I wouldn't change a thing. I've met many people, been hurt by many, hurt some people myself, it all made me who I am today and I am proud. I walk around in poop/pee stained clothes, I'm the cover image for people of walmart, my comfy clothes are my pjs, my favorite shoes are my flip flops, I get my hair/nails done 1time every other year, I wear makeup 2times a month and am lucky if I shower daily. I show up to "work" every morning, no matter how bad my back hurts, how tired I am or how sick I am. Sometimes I cry, sometimes I wish, sometimes I dream but deep down, I wouldn't change a thing.