You don't always get what you want.

i will preface this with 2 things.

1 gavin broke every key on the laptop so you are getting the lazy version, don't give me any crap.
2 i really want to blog, but i don't feel like talking.

i have had one of the best summers this summer. walker was here for 6 weeks, six very short weeks. we stayed busy as usual. we had so much fun though.

we had lots of baseball games

we visited the museum.

we had sushi night, walker and avery both tried it!!

we swam, went to the arcade and kings dominion. we visited my family at the common grounds.

saw fireworks

went to nc to see the other half of my family. fished, ate, had straight up tons of fun. (did i seriously say straight up, and now i am singing paula abdul, lord help me)


we did lots. this past sunday came so fast, too fast. i hate how this theory this non-existent thing called time does its own thing. (read my post on time).but sunday came none-the-less. i was going to have a few more hours with walker and get to see my parents but things changed when jason's grandmother had a stroke. she is doing much better now (thank you for all the kind words, thoughts and prayers). the woman is amazing, his grandma, fought for the royal navy in WWII she has seen things that we can only imagine, died once (medically speaking) has "defeated death" at the very least 6 times. just goes to show you that you really go when it is your time. anyway, she is one of the strongest women i have ever met.

i am not going to play all strong and amazing, i hurt. i miss my son. i laid in bed about a week ago thinking, this is all how it should be, how i want it to be and then i had to remind myself, you don't always get what you want. (you can read more about that here)


so as i went about my day today things happened. like i was reading pioneer womans blog (another totally amazing woman) and thinking how much i would love to have her life, but i don't always get what i want. then i was hungry, you can't read her stuff with out being hungry it is impossible. so i decided i wanted a stuffed baked potato. when i was younger in my early teens my mom worked at this little cafe and that is when i became addicted to stuffed potatoes, hot sandwiches and pitas. so i was nuking, yes-sir-reee i used the microwave for the tater. as i shoved that tater in that magical little box of some unknown power that may or may not cause cancer. i wondered what my great-grandmothers must be thinking, they probably rolled over in their graves. then i burned the stupid thing, you know how microwaves burn things just in one hot spot. then thought well now they are laughing saying "i told you so". i wanted that stupid potato so bad so i scraped the ok parts out into a bowl, buttered it grabbed the ham diced some up topped it, spring onion oh yes please! then some sour cream, grabbed it expiration july 25, ok so, yesterday, surely i will not die if i eat it. opened it: green mold, but not on the sour cream only on one side of the container surely i can scrape the sour cream out with out touching it??? (see the desperation?) so mid-dollop i decide i should probably taste it. have you ever had to take penicillin? you know that funky smell? it tastes that way too. did you know that penicillin was discovered and made by mold? yeah that is what it tasted like. anyway i ended up with like 4 bites of potato, mostly ham. then i laughed and thought "you don't always get what you want."