Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Simple things

Sometimes, as an adult, I let the pressures of everyday life stress me to the max. It's weird because there's nothing you can do to stop it. It's like when you get married, buy a house and have children Murphy's law moves in- for eternity. This morning didn't go how it was supposed to (does it ever?) 
Avery was exhausted and emotional, it's her last day of preschool. (Where on earth does time go?). She whined complained, couldn't get her seat belt right, her hair was annoying her, Gavin was looking at her wrong, you know normal childhood drama. Little did I know what was about to take place. 

I've raised my children to know who Jesus is though we don't attend church on the regular basis Christianity is constant in our home. Avery is wise beyond her years or perhaps it's their innocence that allows them to truly see. They've not had their brain cluttered with daily nonsense. 

Avery started a conversation about graduation and Gavin asked her a multitude of questions and she obliged with answers. Then he said is everyone coming? Avery said yes, everyone except Mema and Bumpy (Mema just passed last week). Gavin said yeah, they're old. Which then turned to talk about angels. (My Nanny has always since I can remember called my freckles angel kisses so that has stuck and we call them that too). For those that don't know, Gavin has Spina Bifida he is basically incontinent (that was seriously the hardest sentence I believe I have had to write in years) and wears AFOs (braces) that allow him to walk without falling that also cause painful blisters if you aren't careful, his toes split open because his skin is so dry from the ditropan that he takes and it doesn't allow him to sweat so he itches constantly.    

the conversation went a little something like this: 

Avery: you know Mema and Bumpy are still here, they are angels and they float around and kiss you while you sleep and when you wake up, there is a freckle. 
Gavin: I don't like freckles, do I have freckles? 
Me: yes, Gavin, you have Freckles. 
Avery: it's ok Gavin, don't you want the angels to kiss you? Mema and Bumpy and everyone is in Heaven, with Jesus Gavin!
Gavin: I want to live with Jesus! 
(Now let me just stop here a second. This is not something that scares me, I can see some parents freaking out because they think "my child wants to die!" That is not the case. My heart fluttered, my eyes began to well up with tears, my children want to live their life in such a way that they will live with JESUS! It made me happy, I AM doing an ok job at parenting!) 
Avery: you will someday Gman, and guess what!? 
Gavin: *excited* WHAT!!!??
Avery: when you go and live with Jesus, you won't have to get your pee pee out any more (cathing) you won't have to get your poopoo out anymore (enemas) your foot won't hurt and you won't need braces, you won't have cuts and blisters because no one hurts in Heaven. 

Now the conversation lasted another 10 minutes but I was vacant, thinking of what Avery had said. A million things went trough my mind and I was crying, tears streaming down my face as I drive my big girl to school.  She went on to explain what Heaven looked like (in her mind, or perhaps she knows?) thoughts running through my mind I could only grab one at a time. Some were sad, the realization that Gavin isn't normal, that he can't do those things and my only hope for him to gain those things are miracles. Then I started to think how special Gavin was and how Nanny told Walker how he was so special because he was my first born. Had I ever told Avery she was special? I know I have, but guilt over came me, because she is SO SPECIAL! Then seconds later happiness. I cannot even put into words what that teeny simple conversation between a 4 & 5 year old did to me. But I know on the way home it was silent, my phone didn't ring, the radio was blocked out, Gavin didn't say a word. I just sat there driving, thinking, praying. I don't know what I did to deserve such wonderful children, but I am sure thankful. It opened my eyes to innocence, it reminded me that He will carry my burdens for me if I ask. And in an instant, I knew everything would be fine. 

1 comment:

  1. That is so awesome Bizz <3 you Diane