An open letter to my daughter.

If there's anything I've learned in my life, it's that it is hard to be a woman. The stereotypes how we should look and act. I've made my way through life the hard way, I want you to have it a little easier. I hear you ask things "am I pretty?" "Do I look fat?" I already see the world taking it's toll on your confidence. Don't let it. You are made perfectly a unique, Divine Creation. 

I feel like I'm standing still barely breathing and blinking and time is flying by, I'm not a girly girl I don't wear makeup a lot, I dress for comfort not fashion. I've traded the majority of my stilettos for flip flops and cowboy boots and yet you still think I'm this amazing woman, you still watch me in awe, learning and taking notes of what this major female role model in your life is and what you aspire to be. Don't be like me baby girl, be you and know all of these things. 

1. The world is rough, not everyone will think you're pretty. Mommy always will. 

2. People will be mean, they'll be hateful. Love them anyway. 

3. Don't fall into the trap of having a supermodel figure/hair/makeup. Less is always more.

4. It's ok to cry, it's ok to laugh, it's ok to be silly most importantly it's ok to be you. 

5. I don't care how much he says he loves you, he's not worth giving up your virginity until he commits in marriage. 

6. You don't have to find a man by flaunting your body, when you find Mr. Right he will love you for you.

7. Don't give up looking for your fairy tale, it's out there somewhere and only the patient and persistent find theirs.

8. Never be afraid to stand up for what you believe in.

9. There will always be someone who has more, but somewhere someone has less give to those that need. 

10. Hold your head high.

11. Don't ever settle because you don't think you're worth better, you are. 

12. It's ok to have chocolate and wine for dinner. (When your 21, of course ;) ) 

13. You don't have to be in the "in" crowd to succeed, confidence, intelligence, ambition and persistence will get you where you need to be. 

14. Don't forget while you're out there making it big, the little things are the most important in life.

15. It's ok to go to the store in sweatpants and cowboy boots, trust me. 

16. Don't ever,  EVER lose Faith.  

17. Always give second chances, thirds and fourths are at your discretion but always forgive. Forgiving doesn't mean a person has to stay in your life, it just means you forgive them and are moving on.

18. Jewelry is overrated.

19. Don't be afraid to be alone. (Because you really never are) 

20. Don't be afraid to find yourself.

21. And when you do, set your goals and stick to them.

22. Money can't buy happiness. 

23. You are WORTH it, whatever it is. You DESERVE to be treated amazing, to feel loved, cared for, important, irreplaceable. 

24. Life is full of disappointments, stumbles, failures and falls. It's ok, dust yourself off and try again, we all mess up it's how we learn. 

25. Mommy will always, always be here, arms and door open, a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen. I will laugh with you, cry with you, rejoice with you and you will ALWAYS, ALWAYS be my pootah bear. 

Fast Cars, Autumn Leaves and Country roads

I have a small love affair with back roads, one road in particular here locally.

Growing up was pretty cool, I was a Tom-boy and I had 3 cool Uncles and an awesome Dad. Dad and his brother decided to buy old trucks and cars and rebuild them. He had an old Chevy pick-up 1959 (I'm pretty sure it was a '59 but he may correct me and say it was a '58 but I remember it being a '59- there were several vehicle purchases in that time period, ha)

Anyway, those three (my Uncles and Dad)are the reason I love back country roads and driving fast.

I spent a lot of time on the race track and in the pits. My favorite smells are (in this order) racing gas, tires burning rubber, honeysuckle, magnolia, pipe tobacco, summer rain and crisp autumn air.

I had to drive down that road last week. I know it so well I could drive it with my eyes closed. There's an unspoken rule about back country roads, the speed limit doesn't matter you can drive as slow or as fast as you want and it's understood.

I drove down that road and lost myself, I was young again and there was no speed limit, for just a little while I wasn't driving a Toyota Camry, I was in a Chevy pick up truck,in the passenger seat, I could feel the dust from the floor vents blowing in my face, I could hear the motor and laughed as I slid across the bench seat on a turn.

Oh-m-Gee... WHAT-Evah mom.

Yeah, that's what I heard from the back seat of the car, my sweet (sometimes) little baby girl, my ONLY girl is now one of "them".
And as I was having that "e-card moment"

I remembered my Mother.
My sweet, patient, God fearing Mom.


Believe me, I needed God right this very moment or Avery Brooke was about to have a come to Jesus moment.


Things flashed into my head, things I used to say (probably WHAT -EVAH) and only the good Lord knows what else.

I remember finding out I was pregnant with Walker, finding out you're pregnant when you were a HORRIBLE child will also make you have a come to Jesus moment. (Hind sight, it's 20/20 ya know) I remember apologizing I mean begging basically- in tears. For forgiveness, I don't remember the exact words, but I remember them telling me, hey, that's how parenthood goes, we all got through it.

Well I'm going through it. AB has been a screaming red hot beautiful mess since the day she was born, always into something, super intelligent (almost too intelligent) and now, here she is, months from being 6 (SIX!?) and she's gone all bratz, monster high on me. She wants to know when she can drive and reminds me that she doesn't NEED to go to school cause she "already knows everything there is to know"
.......

My Mom, God bless her heart. Such a good woman, best woman God placed on this earth. She's simple, and not always best with articulating whatever it is she's trying to say, but we all understand her. Her love and actions speak louder than her words.

My sister and my husband and my brother (ok everyone) tells me I'm turning into Mom. And ya know, that's ok. That's what I strive to be...this woman, this amazingly beautiful, kind, generous, loving, caring woman. The woman that raised me even through the "what-Evers" and "I hate you's" the slammed doors, the suspensions from school, the yelling and hatred that spewed from my young teenage lips.

So thanks Mom, thanks for teaching me how to love. Thanks for showing me how to be a good Mom (though some days I fail) thanks for reminding me, we all go through it and that I will survive it (with or without my natural color hair ;) )

I love ya oodles.

White chicken enchiladas!

So I've seen a recipe floating around for these bad boys, but you know me, I can't follow a recipe so here's my version. 

3 boneless, skinless chicken breast

1 envelope of your favorite taco seasoning, I make my own see recipe below.

Half of a large onion sliced

Peppers, lots of peppers I used what I had on hand which consisted of last years canned pimentos (about 3 TBSP)  last years canned jalapeños (couple if heaping spoonfuls with juice) and half of a yellow pepper sliced , you can use any peppers you like or eliminate them all together

Flour tortillas

CHEESE! Lots of Monterey Jack cheese ( about 3 cups) 

2 cups of chicken broth (and about 1/4 cup  for chicken breasts)

3 TBSP flour

3TBSP butter

1 can (4oz) green chilies drained ( don't freak, they aren't hot) 

1 cup sour cream

(Homemade taco seasoning)

1 tablespoon chili powder

• 1/4 teaspoon garlic powder1/4 teaspoon onion powder
• 1/4 teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes
• 1/4 teaspoon dried oregano

• 1/2 teaspoon paprika1 1/2 teaspoons cumin 
• 1 teaspoon sea salt
• 1 teaspoon black pepper

In a crock pot (or whatever method you prefer to use) add chicken, seasoning, onions and peppers and 1/4 cup chicken broth. 

Cook on low for 4-6 hours or until chicken falls apart and is cook thoroughly (duh!) 

Once you're ready to assemble roll preheat oven to 350° chicken (I found getting it out with a slotted spoon was best, you don't want super soggy enchiladas) and cheese up in tortillas lay in GREASED (i used coconut oil cause i was out of shortening )dish. The kids had just tacos so there are not a lot and I used burrito wraps so they were HUGE I suggest you get the taco soft shells instead of burrito :) 

Now it's time for your sauce!

Melt butter in pan over med low heat, add flour whisk quickly! 

Immediately add chicken broth. Now I'm going to be a good little chef and tell you to whisk constantly until thickened but here's my dirty little secret...I don't, I just pay close attention and whisk periodically until it starts to get thicker then I whisk constantly but like Momma always said, do as I say not as I do. :p

While I was making my sauce I decided I wanted my shells to have a "crisp" to them and stuck them in the oven ( then I decided that 350° wasn't getting them crisp fast enough and cranked on the broiler for about 3 minutes, well it was supposed to be 3 minutes but I'm guessing longer HA!) 

See that little lonely enchilada over there ^^? It's the one with the peppers and onions in it, Jason is anti-veggie. Lol. 

Once your sauce is thickened REMOVE FROM HEAT add sour cream and chillies and stir. 

Pour over your enchiladas, top with remaining Monterey Jack cheese and bake at 350° until heated thoroughly (about 15-20 minutes, possibly 25 if your interrupted by a child)  turn broiler on again to brown the cheese a little bit. 

And there you have it! Yummy! 

Simple things

Sometimes, as an adult, I let the pressures of everyday life stress me to the max. It's weird because there's nothing you can do to stop it. It's like when you get married, buy a house and have children Murphy's law moves in- for eternity. This morning didn't go how it was supposed to (does it ever?) 

Avery was exhausted and emotional, it's her last day of preschool. (Where on earth does time go?). She whined complained, couldn't get her seat belt right, her hair was annoying her, Gavin was looking at her wrong, you know normal childhood drama. Little did I know what was about to take place. 

I've raised my children to know who Jesus is though we don't attend church on the regular basis Christianity is constant in our home. Avery is wise beyond her years or perhaps it's their innocence that allows them to truly see. They've not had their brain cluttered with daily nonsense. 

Avery started a conversation about graduation and Gavin asked her a multitude of questions and she obliged with answers. Then he said is everyone coming? Avery said yes, everyone except Mema and Bumpy (Mema just passed last week). Gavin said yeah, they're old. Which then turned to talk about angels. (My Nanny has always since I can remember called my freckles angel kisses so that has stuck and we call them that too). For those that don't know, Gavin has Spina Bifida he is basically incontinent (that was seriously the hardest sentence I believe I have had to write in years) and wears AFOs (braces) that allow him to walk without falling that also cause painful blisters if you aren't careful, his toes split open because his skin is so dry from the ditropan that he takes and it doesn't allow him to sweat so he itches constantly.    

the conversation went a little something like this: 

Avery: you know Mema and Bumpy are still here, they are angels and they float around and kiss you while you sleep and when you wake up, there is a freckle. 

Gavin: I don't like freckles, do I have freckles? 

Me: yes, Gavin, you have Freckles. 

Avery: it's ok Gavin, don't you want the angels to kiss you? Mema and Bumpy and everyone is in Heaven, with Jesus Gavin!

Gavin: I want to live with Jesus! 

(Now let me just stop here a second. This is not something that scares me, I can see some parents freaking out because they think "my child wants to die!" That is not the case. My heart fluttered, my eyes began to well up with tears, my children want to live their life in such a way that they will live with JESUS! It made me happy, I AM doing an ok job at parenting!) 

Avery: you will someday Gman, and guess what!? 

Gavin: *excited* WHAT!!!??

Avery: when you go and live with Jesus, you won't have to get your pee pee out any more (cathing) you won't have to get your poopoo out anymore (enemas) your foot won't hurt and you won't need braces, you won't have cuts and blisters because no one hurts in Heaven. 

Now the conversation lasted another 10 minutes but I was vacant, thinking of what Avery had said. A million things went trough my mind and I was crying, tears streaming down my face as I drive my big girl to school.  She went on to explain what Heaven looked like (in her mind, or perhaps she knows?) thoughts running through my mind I could only grab one at a time. Some were sad, the realization that Gavin isn't normal, that he can't do those things and my only hope for him to gain those things are miracles. Then I started to think how special Gavin was and how Nanny told Walker how he was so special because he was my first born. Had I ever told Avery she was special? I know I have, but guilt over came me, because she is SO SPECIAL! Then seconds later happiness. I cannot even put into words what that teeny simple conversation between a 4 & 5 year old did to me. But I know on the way home it was silent, my phone didn't ring, the radio was blocked out, Gavin didn't say a word. I just sat there driving, thinking, praying. I don't know what I did to deserve such wonderful children, but I am sure thankful. It opened my eyes to innocence, it reminded me that He will carry my burdens for me if I ask. And in an instant, I knew everything would be fine. 

Mema

There are so many things that can be said about Mema. I didn't know her long but she left a lasting impression on me. 

 Somewhere around 7 years ago I walked into my soon to be in-laws house. Sitting there was a gray haired short lady with a heavy British accent. She was outspoken yet kind. I was SO nervous to meet her. I knew that she was the "ring leader" (ha) I was convinced if Mema didn't like me I was at the bottom of the food chain. I don't know if she really loved me or just tolerated me, but she was never cross with me and I loved her very much. 

 

 Over the years I got to know her well. I'd sit at her house and talk with her while Jason mowed her grass. She'd tell me stories, usually the same stories but I loved to hear them. They were her stories and she wanted them remembered. It didn't matter how many times she told them I'd listen as if it were the first time. I heard stories about WWII how she watched people die saw body parts in trees, how they stayed in bomb shelters and had rations "1 egg and slice of bacon per person per week" how she served in the Royal Navy, how she met her husband and married him. She got 10 days in the brig for being AWOL to marry him. She endured months without him, 4 weeks in an interrogation camp before she was ever able to come here and be with him.  

 

My favorite story to hear was the one about when they got married. The magistrate had informed Bumpy that he had to have been a resident for 6 weeks before he could get married. So he says to him "son, how long have you lived here?" To which Bumpy replies "2 days sir" so the magistrate says "ONCE AGAIN SON- How LONG have you lived here?" Again bumpy says "2 days, Sir" the magistrate looks at Mema as if to say is something wrong with his brain? Mema jabs him in the side and the magistrate says "ONCE AGAIN, SON" and bumpy says "6 weeks, sir!!!"

She always lit up with that story even when she had gotten bad and didn't know who I was that story made her eyes twinkle. 

 Mema defeated death several times (in just the 6 years I've been married) . I remember one time in particular I was pregnant with Gavin, we'd just received the news he had SB. We didn't want to tell Mema because she was in the Hospital. She had asked me how the baby was, I replied with good. She wanted to feel him move, at this time he was active but not normally in the day. I remember praying God please PLEASE let him kick one time so Mema can at least feel him if she never holds him. He did, she felt him. I remember being so thankful I'd at least have that story to tell my son about his Great-Grandma. She survived it. And every single time after that. When Bumpy died, I was positive it was a matter of weeks, maybe months and Mema would join him. She didn't. She just kept on keeping on, which was exactly the type of woman she was, stubborn, feisty, strong, she was the boss and everyone knew it.  

 Mema would have been 95 in July.  Monday night she went to be with Jesus. I know that she is happy there, her family is there, her husband. We will miss her dearly. 

I'm backkkkkkkk

Today I came here to read something I had written some time ago.

Floods of emotions came back as I got lost in my own posts.

I don't know why I haven't written anything in so long, busy? Lack of words? (Yeah I know, not me, I've always got something to say)

I think it's a combination if all things, life gets hectic, then even more hectic and eventually, there's a break, a silver lining, God was listening.

Life has been relentless the past few months, doctors, specialists dentists, cathing, medicine and dosage, school and dance... 5 things break all at once and then again, you find yourself fallen and you have to remember to pick yourself backup and keep fighting the good fight.

So I am back, I think (hope). I want to continue to write, to share my lessons learned. I'm also getting back to my cooking blog. Here's the link to that and the Facebook page link is on that blog....you can follow as well.

Much love!