A little about me and 2 important men.

I was a lucky child, I had when born, 1 Great-Great Grandmother, 2 Great- Grandmothers, 1 Great-Grandfather and both Maternal and Paternal Grandparents. I didn't realize how special that really was until later in life. My Great-Great Grandmother died when I was still too young to remember. But the rest of these wonderful people left a lasting impression on my life. Sadly, My Great Grandparents have all passed. My Grandaddy passed away (2 years ago this October) probably the hardest Death I have dealt with to date.

That is me and Grandaddy ^^ Handsome man, huh?

I am sad because I miss him, I wish I had seen him just one more time but I know he is happier with Jesus than he could ever be here, it was his life goal, to meet Jesus and he crossed the finish line with flying colors. I talked to him on the phone the week that he died. It was strange because he said "Well, I will see ya when I see ya" Which is what he often said, but this time it was different, told me to hug the kids for him. Maybe he always said that but something made me think...hmmm but I still never expected it. I have some of THE greatest people in my family.
Being a female, I guess you would think that the females in my life have had the hugest impact, and though they have in some ways, the Men in my life have been huge-HUGE impacts. My Mother's family and my Father's are so different, it is like entering different worlds when you visit them but yet still the same. Weird I know.

This man, is Pawt. I call him Pawt because he was supposed to be "Paw" and my little sister couldn't say it, I remember when they urged her to say "PAW" and it came out "Pawt" We were in their basement and Pawt laughed so hard, that contagious laugh and said That is stickin'. And it has.

Also equally handsome. You can see the wisdom just from his face. This Man, my Grandfather is me. Weird but stick with me. This is where I get my stubborn ways, my hard-headedness, but it is also where I get my passion, my persistence, my drive. We are so much alike. It is actually kind of scary :).

My Dad's family (and myself) are strange or so I have been told, it is completely normal to me. We call each other on the need to basis, we don't "interfere" with each others lives, it is a known fact that we love each other deeply and don't have the "need" to tell each other daily, it is a given. It sounds bad typing it out. It really isn't THAT horrible though. Or maybe it is, and maybe this is the reason for this blog post.

I have so many fond childhood memories and looking back it isn't like we were wealthy, but it was fun. It was the little things. This past Christmas, my ever so intelligent sister decided we should all write things (366 total between the 3 of us kids) on a piece of paper and put it in a jar and give it to my parents. We did and now, every day they open the jar and take one out. It is all little things, small memories that made HUGE impacts on our life. Sometimes now I do things with my kids and think to myself "that will be in her/his jar one day"

Well I need my Pawt to know that there are things in my jar that are from him too. There are huge memories, fond memories from both Grandparents houses. I could list them all but you'd get bored :)

2 things- 2 Christmases that are etched in my brain.

*One was a Christmas that I asked for this toy, it was a driving toy, I don't even remember what it was called, but I knew I wanted it I had circled it in the sales paper and asked my Mamaw and Grandaddy for it. I opened every gift that day and that toy wasn't there. Finally my Grandaddy stood up and walked to the closet I had to bend my neck WAYYYYY up to see him and he pulled it out. I said something to the extent of "I knew you got it" and everyone got a kick out of it. I was really young but I remember it.

*The other was a Christmas we had come to Virginia to see my Nanny and Pawt's. I don't remember exact words or even how old I was but they told us there were toys in the basement and we could have anything that we wanted. When we walked into the basement it was like a toy store, 2 of everything I could ever imagine (or it seemed that way at least). We only took what we really wanted, oddly. I assume they returned the rest but that was an Awesome Christmas.


So here, publicly, I am announcing bigger than any Humphries has ever announced. Greg/Pawt, I love you. I love you so very much and you have had a huge impact on my life. I am totally ok with the fact that people think we are weird because who wants to strive to be normal? Thanks, Thank you for everything. Everything you have done for me (even the things I don't know about) Thank you for praying for me, for loving me. "I don't want to be the Humphries that crossed the Mountain and never looked back".

" I am second"

So there is this new website (well new to me it started in '08) I am second, It is videos/testimonies of how people have over come struggles by putting Jesus Christ first. I know numerous times I have shared my stories through various posts. I have never fully disclosed everything. Sometimes I think you have to make yourself very vulnerable for people to be able to understand you or relate to you.

I have had many struggles, we all do. Though I have "survived" them all the ones where I allowed Jesus Christ to be first have been the most amazing revelations (if that is even the right word) in my life. This may be a bit redundant to most of you, and for that I apologize but if you know the feeling, the relief the amazingness that you feel when you have these moments it is something so flipping amazing that you can't help but share it over and over again.

Being raised in a Christian home and family I have always known who Jesus was, I grew up in Church memorizing bible verses and attending vacation bible school. I always wanted to feel this awesomeness that my Dad spoke of. I tried so hard, or at least I thought I had. It wouldn't be until I was in my 20's that I would truly experience this feeling that people spoke of. From about 11 years old until about 21 years old I was a real jerk, mean, hateful, hardheaded jackass. When I became pregnant (out of wedlock) with my oldest guilt set in. True guilt on how I had treated people thoughts filled my head of how horrible I was to my parents, my sister and random people that I went to school with. I blamed most of it on being bullied in elementary school but that is no excuse. Anyway, I was living with my sons dad and did for just shy of 7 years. We were not right for each other we had fights and it just wasn't a healthy relationship at all. I finally made the decision to leave. We had a verbal custody arrangement and we were doing ok with it. Then the ultimate thing happened, he served me with custody papers. He wanted full custody of my only child, now if you are a Mother you can imagine the heart wrenching that caused. My family and friends all assured me that there is no way that I could lose, none. I hired a lawyer and then another lawyer and a Guardian ad litem (a lawyer to represent my son) By this point I had started "dating" a friend that would later become my husband. Fast forward to about 3 months before the court date. I am now engaged and buying a house and am also pregnant. My lawyer and the Guardian both assure me that this isn't an issue, even though I plan on moving 2 hours away and reassure me that everything is going to be fine, rarely does a judge grant custody to a Father. I couldn't take the stress anymore, I couldn't continue to carry this burden anymore. I had just come home from work and went up 3 flights of stairs to my temporary attic bedroom at my parents house. No one was home, it was just me and my burden. I dropped so hard to my knees, I had never fallen to my knees with such force and emotion in my life. I was overcome, I wasn't even controlling my own body I don't even know how I controlled my own words at this point. I screamed and when I said screamed I took all the hatred, the agony, the pain and forced it all out with my voice with my hands thrown in the air as if throwing in the towel and said 12 words that would change my life forever. "IT IS IN YOUR HANDS LORD, WHATEVER YOUR WILL I ACCEPT IT" Just typing that and taking my mind back to that day gives me chill bumps, floods of emotion. I meant those words, I mean MEANT, I know that everytime I type one of these stories I emphasize MEANT and I cannot emphasize it enough. Anyone can say those words and I had said them probably thousands of times before but this time was different. I had to be second Jesus Christ had to be first. So I went on to buy my house spent many hours away from my temporary home getting it all ready for us to move in. I had his bedroom all done up, it was so cute. Court day arrived, it was a disaster, people lied. I was absolutely disgusted at the behavior of some people, including the judge who seemed to not care at all that I was speaking while he what appeared to be playing solitaire on his laptop. Then the decision that made me collapse on the court room floor. We were granted 50/50 parental custody but His dad was granted physical custody. Physical custody. That meant that I was going to not see my son, my heart, my soul that I spent months carrying in my womb and spent 26 hours in pain to bring into this world, that I spent my days caring for-everyday. This thing that WAS my life is now going to be Physically nonexistent in my daily routine. I will never forget the sound of my Fathers voice on the phone as long as I live. He was absolutely convinced I would win. The shock and disappointment (not in me but in the decision) could be heard in his voice, his words were so soft almost a whisper but the emotion was so loud. I knew what I said on my knees that day and somehow had convinced myself that "His will" would most certainly be for me to "win". After a lot of tears, hyperventilation and vomiting I stood up and told someone I don't remember who- "I put it in God's hands, I told him whatever his will I would accept it". Hardest promise ever to keep. I am not going to lie. I don't know why it ended the way it did and I am not about to question it. There is a reason that it worked that way and I am ok with it. It hurts and it took me 4 years to be able to leave his bedroom door open when he is gone, or to wash his laundry while he is not here. Sundays are still hard when I have to make that drive back. It has been almost 5 years and I often daydream about how it would be if he were here all the time. I can tell you though, I am at peace with the decision, I hate no one and I harbor no ill will. I can tell you though, had I not put me second I would have never survived this speed bump in life.


There have been other times, My last son being diagnosed inutero with spina bifida and hydrocephalus is a huge one, but I talk about that one often. I don't think I have actually ever said on here that I do not have physical custody of my oldest son. If you want to read about Gavin you can read these stories One year anniversary of finding out A video of our one year journey When-against all odds he walked His second birthday And here where he learned to kick a ball

And this (from another site I used to use) Is the very first post I made on the very day I found out.

On my last prenatal appointment I reluctantly signed papers to have AFP screening done, I gave my blood and never thought twice about it. On Tuesday (01-06-09) My ob called, My results were abnormal....I didn't flinch, I didn't worry, he even assured me that there was no reason to worry there are so many false positives, I held on to that hope and did my own research. I was positive..besides I have Faith, God is on my side!
Well super stoked to have my ultrasound scheduled earlier than it was, my Husband and I go across town to Johnston Willis Medical center, 5th floor, I filled out my paper work, joked around with the receptionist, and waited my turn. First a nurse/tech came in she showed us our little baby and went down for a gender shot, before she could say it I screamed ITS A BOY!!!!!! Jason (hubby) even high fived me in the middle of the ultrasound (classic Jason). She was super sweet and answered every question I asked and printed a penis picture for Jason's bragging rights. She then said I can't get a good shot of the spine his tushy is pressed against your uterus. She took measurements and said "he is right on track 10 oz." (I forget the head size but it was perfect too Jason has a big head and I always make sure with ultrasounds that I reitterate the head isn't too big right LOL).
Anyway enter Dr. (Dr. Barbara Head yep that is what I said Barbie Head LOL, the other dr was Dr. Ronald Christmas...it's to crazy to make up so I swear it I felt like I was in who-ville in the Grinch stole Christmas)
The Dr, says there is fluid on the baby's brain showed us the head and says and his head is "lemon" shaped and see this it is banana shaped (something in the brain), they tried to see the end of the spine but he wouldn't co-operate. She finally got an awkward shot and said Yep your baby has Spina Bifida.
Then she starts giving us options telling us what to do yadda yadda, I really didn't hear much, I heard her getting ready to say Abortion and I stopped her, there was no need to say it I knew that was NOT an option for me.
I am scheduled for an MRI, the Ultrasound wasn't "concrete"...I am at peace almost though. God is Good, and maybe since I am who I am and if this little boy has spina bifida, he couldn't have a better family. God knows what he is doing, he doesn't make mistakes.
I won't be positive until I see that precious baby, there is always room for miracles, and I believe they happen everyday, to little people like me :)
For any of you that have had to deal with this I commend you, for your strength, your courage and your love for that innocent child, for those of you who have never had to feel this I pray you never do.
Even if the Ultrasound is wrong, my life has been changed to an extent i will never be able to explain.
To those of you that are here for me (and you know who you are) I love you and owe you big time (no matter how strong you are, you still need a shoulder to cry on)

The real truth about Christians.

I guess most of my life I have surrounded myself with people that either believed in God or accepted and respected that I did. Once I moved I found myself conversing with people on the worldwide web. I have gained many friends from it from different religions, or even some with no religion at all. I have probably also gained many enemies.

In these past 5 or so years I have read things that make my heart weep.

I find myself on many debate forums and even forums reading up on weather or space. I always, without fail run across a thread that talks about or lumps "Christians" into one or two categories. "HYPOCRITES" "JUDGEMENTAL" . For a long time I would, when asked, say I am a follower of Jesus Christ, because I am and let's face it, Christians are gaining a bad name out there.

Now I'm no biblical scholar, I'm far from perfect. I've read the bible a lot, a whole lot. Do you know what I get from it every time? Love thy neighbor, treat others how you wish to be treated, judge no one, among other things. Now brothers and sisters with just those 3 things why are Christians gaining such a reputation?

Let me lay it out there for you. I am 32 years old. I have four tattoos, I drink alcohol at times, I have smoked, I cuss sometimes, I have 1 child out of wedlock, 1 child I was pregnant with when I got married. I lost my virginity at a very young age, I have lied, I have hated, I have been mean and that is just the tip of the iceberg. I am a Christian. I have accepted Jesus Christ as my personal savior, I have repented for my sins and I have been forgiven.

I will not judge you, I will not tell you that will burn in hell for your religion or lack thereof, I will not tell you because I have no idea what on earth will happen, why? Because I am not the judge. I will not tell you your past life will make you go to hell. I won't. I will not force my beliefs down your throat, I will talk about them, I won't force them. I will continue to live my life, to pray, to love and when asked why I'm so happy I will gladly exclaim why.

I know some of the people that these claims speak of, the ones that bother to judge someone without even realizing their own faults, nit picking others lives, pointing out the splinter in their brothers eye whilst they have a plank in their own. I've been judged, I've been shun. I know these people exist. Believe me when I tell you friends, Christianity is not about that. Christianity is about love. Should we not walk this life as Jesus would? Should we not help those that are down, love those around us, help those in need? We must show the world love. Now more than ever. Christianity is a narrow path to follow and at the beginning of ones walk it can certainly be wobbly, even in the middle or near the end. Remember only one perfect man walked this earth and he died for us all.

I know that many people will cross over this blog and if you have questions or comments please fell free to leave them. If you've come here for a debate hear this. I will defend Jesus Christ until the day I die, I will die defending him if need be.I will never deny him, I will never betray him, however, I will not debate it. And I know, I know you have the answer to why I won't debate it but truly you do not. The only proof I can give you for you to experience what I experience isn't in a link, most likely you don't believe the scripture so the only choice is this. If you need proof, if truly are curious, if you truly want to know how I know he exists. Honestly ask Jesus Christ to enter your life, to touch your heart, your soul. You will see. I cannot debate faith, friends. Faith is daring the soul to believe what the eyes can't see, but one day, one day friends, the reward of faith will be seeing what the soul has believed.

We are living in the end of times.

So next time someone tells you they are Christian, think before you lump them into this lump of people that are hypocritical, judgmental people. We aren't all like that.

Remembering Grandaddy- upcycling a Man's dress shirt.

This post is going to be full of the usual me, but with that is going to be a ton of emotion. Grandaddy died last October, This has by far been one of the worst deaths I have had to deal with, not because I loved him more than any of my other family members that have passed but because I am so much older now, I have kids that are too young to remember who Grandaddy was. Walker will and Avery might, but Gavin will have to be constantly reminded (I don't mind doing that, but man, they have missed out on some awesome greatness) Anyway. When Grandaddy died, I got a hanker-cheif which I carry with me everywhere, at first it smelled like him After awhile the smell dissipated and I was left with just the memories. And I have a shirt of his. When I got the shirt I shoved it in the closet and thought, what am I going to do with it? Grandaddy was TALL I could never wear the shirt...or could I? I can, but in a whole new way.

I grabbed the shirt down yesterday, looking it over thinking, brainstorming. Finally I remembered a skirt I had seen this past spring. I picked up the shirt and just in-case I smelled it, it smelled like him, I don't know if my mom or my sister or one of my cousins sprayed it, but just under the neck on the shoulder it smells like Grandaddy. Normally that piece would be scrap but It is in a plastic bag in my Jewelry box, sure time will take that smell too, but for now, it is mine and I am keeping it. Did you know that smell is one of the biggest links to memory?

Anyway onto the DIY upcycle.

This would work best in a solid color, My shirt has memories attached so that is why I chose it.

Now the one I saw this past spring used the arms as a belt, which would be fine if my skirt wasn't already so busy with stripes.  SO although I will add the belt loops I most likely will use the sleeve belt on something else.
yes, this is a picture of me standing on the tub from the mirror, I am sorry.

First you need to lay your shirt out and cut off the 

sleeves.

Now sew together your sleeve holes

Then you need to fold it and make casing for your elastic:

Put a saftey pin on the end of your elastic and feed it through the casing. Your waist -1" is how much elastic you need, I will spare you my numbers.

Once your elastic is through sew it together and finish off closing the casing

I ended up with this little triangle piece that once the skirt was finished it kept sticking out like a pocket (or wide hips) I ended up sewing a straight line down and trimming that triangle off.

Four pieces for your belt loops, fold both sides to the center, iron then sew. 4 is sufficient. Then attach to your skirt.

And there you have it, a new, neat, unique skirt. 

you can change the buttons to pearls or add a lace edge I think instead of using the sleeves as a belt I may just make rolled flowers from the fabric and have a matching headband... I will keep you posted.

Applesauce Streusel cake.

This cake is so amazingly good, it filled the whole house with this wonderful aroma and lasted all of 24 hours because it was eaten quickly.

My first attempt I used only vanilla, the cake was great, the next cake I made (24 hours later) I used a mix of vanilla, almond and maple, the second one is better. I will post both. The reason that I changed it up is because I was out of Vanilla, however, did you know you can make your own vanilla extract? 1 cup vodka, 2-3 vanilla beans split length wise and a tight sealing bottle/jar. Store in a cool dark place and shake every once and awhile in 2-3 months it will be this amazingness. It's cheap and lasts forever! You can strain it to get the vanilla seeds out after the 2-3 month time or you can leave them in for a little extra flavor and texture. Just remember to shake it every so often.

Now onto what you came here for, cake.

1/2 cup vegetable oil
1/2 cup sugar
1/3 cup brown sugar (****out of brown sugar? never fear, see the notes below)
1 whole egg
1 egg yolk
2 tsp Vanilla (or my second cake was 1 tsp vanilla, 1/2 tsp almond, 1/2tsp maple)
1 cup unsweetened applesauce (mine is homemade but jarred would do in a pinch.)
1 2/3 cup flour (I actually used bread flour on accident and it turned out really yummy)
3/4 tsp baking soda
1 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp ground nutmeg
1/2 tsp ground ginger
1/4 tsp allspice
1/8 tsp ground cloves
1/2 tsp cinnamon

Streusel
2/3 cup brown sugar
2 TBSP flour
3 tsp cinnamon
2 1/2 TBSP melted unsalted butter


Preheat your oven to 350°
Grease your bunt pan with baking pam or crisco
For the cake: Mix first 6 ingredients together.

 Stir in Applesauce.

 In a separate bowl sift the rest of the dry ingredients together. Add slowly to wet batter and stir until combined.

Prepare streusel mix all 4 ingredients together

pour half batter into bunt pan, add about half the streusel mix, add the rest of the batter and top off with remaining streusel mixture.

Bake on 350° (I use a convection oven so it took 35 minutes, if you are using a conventional oven add about 10 minutes to that)
Sneak a peek

Bake until toothpick inserted comes out clean.
 LET COOL FOR 20 MINUTES IN PAN

before turning onto wire rack to cool. I don't have a picture to add for that because the two toddlers took a HUGE chunk out of it when I turned my back...





**** Brown sugar. 1 cup white sugar and 2 TBSP molasses mix thoroughly with fork or food processor.

Tags: Apples, Applesauce, Streusel, Cake, Fall baking, bunt pan

DIY skirts for toddlers.

This day and age we have to do what we can to save a buck. It has caused a lot of people in my generation to find their creative side and to learn a lot of knew things. Luckily I come from a family that has always passed down teachings of things like cooking, sewing, crochet, knit etc... 

I have been putting off having my 2nd yard-sale because, well, quite frankly I am tired and the thought of it exhausts me. Well the cooler air is filtrating in and the signs of fall are quickly showing so I started gathering all my Junk in hopes to make a buck. I was going through the kids clothes and thinking, great, another shopping bill since neither of the little ones can wear last fall/winters clothes *makes note to by bricks for children's heads* They are growing so fast.  Then as I was going through my clothes, I wished there was something I could do with them instead of just getting rid of them. And like that, a thought is born. I ran through the house grabbing my old shirts, and a pillow case that was brand new and some scrap fabric I had laying around. (Don't worry, I am lazy so even if you think you CAN'T sew, trust me, you can. If you don't have a sewing machine, get some of that iron-hem (the name of it fails me) and you can hand stitch your elastic together, or if you would like you can hand stitch it all, it shouldn't take long!

Let's start with the shirt skirts, I didn't take pics when I started this so I am using a shirt that I am not cutting up to show you where to cut. It doesn't matter the size unless it is long you can cut it shorter, I used a lot of tank tops so they were not very long. Cut just below the arms, all the way across the chest. The hem at the bottom of the shirt is going to be the hem, that takes away that daunting task.

Now, You need to (do as I say not as I do) Turn the skirt inside out, Fold the raw edge you just cut so that it forms a casing for your elastic. It is best to Iron and pin this fold, I am lazy;  if you don't know this you are not paying attention.

Now I used contrasting thread for 3 reasons, 1. I am seriously WHAT? that is right, LAZY and do not want to re-thread the bobbin. 2. These 2 particular skirts are just simple little play skirts and even if she does where them out a shirt will cover the thread at the top. 3. So you can see how much my sewing machine hates me and how horrible my sewing is. Sew the casing until you have a small gap left to finish, this is the hole you will thread your elastic through.
Measure your child's waist and subtract one inch, this is how much elastic you need.
Avery's waist is 23" So I cut my elastic 1" shorter at 22"
Put a saftey pin into one end of the elastic and thread/push it through the casing you just made. This part is the part I hate, it is kind of like when those thin little pads in your bathing suit top somehow get twisted and turned, you can feel which way they need to go, it is right there but you.just.can't.quite.get.it. Anyway patients and persistence will get you through.

Once you get through that task, you will want to sew your elastic together then finish off the casing.
TADA a brand-new-used skirt.

The pillow case skirt same directions apply.

The polka dot skirt, All I did with that was take a piece of fabric 26" in width and oh, I would say about 41" long. I folded it in half width wise making it 2 layers of 13"wide. I sewed the ends together (the layers of 13") Then made my casing at the top of the (40" with 1" seam allowance) added the elastic and she was good to go. No hem since it was folded and the double layer of fabric is great for fall/winter with some heavy tights and her boots.

My husband has a bunch of shirts he is getting rid of too, he just doesn't know it yet. I think I may make myself a few of these!!

TAGS: Skirt, DIY, upcycle, tshirts, tanks, toddler girl clothes, easy pattern.

Yearning.

The more I yearn for a social life the more I realize "don't eat that" "pick up your toys" "please tell me that is a rock and not dog poop"  or "you better hope mr clean eraser can fix this" is all the social interaction I need. The older I get the more I realize that some friends are just not what I had thought.

One certainly gets wiser with age and experience.

If you ask my mother who her best friend is, without hesitation she will answer "my husband" she is a dying breed of woman. She really is. This woman was put on this earth for a reason, to be a mother. She is the June Cleaver From the 70's to the present. I want to be just like her. She put aside everything, she had no social life for years. She worked every now and again, probably yearning for that social life that many of us yearn for but the second that it conflicted with home it was dropped. My sister and I are close in age. When my brother was born I was 14, mom was thrust back into being a mommy again, she was good at it, she glowed. Ashton is off to college now and I can safely assume mom is lost. Truth is she is still very much needed just not daily, we are all able to wipe ourselves :) and cook now (well Ashton maybe eating ramen noodles and grilled cheese but he ain't starving I'm sure).

I have friends, good friends most of which are not near me. I watch Facebook statuses say how much fun such and such had with whomever. I get a little green sometimes but then as I tuck Gavin in to bed and say "I love you, sleep good" and hear this little voice say As I shut the door "wuv ewe too momma, eep good" it is all ok, then as we tuck Avery in and I hear her sweet voice say her prayers ask for a hug and kiss, it all melts away, then to hear Walker in front of all his friends tell me he loves me...it's all worth it. I'd sacrifice everything for their happiness, everything.

Life is rough, especially these days, making ends meet, making all the schedules click. As a matter of fact the day I turned 18 life got complicated. It has been one hell of a ride, some good, some bad, some horrific, some unforgettable. I wouldn't change a thing. I've met many people, been hurt by many, hurt some people myself, it all made me who I am today and I am proud. I walk around in poop/pee stained clothes, I'm the cover image for people of walmart, my comfy clothes are my pjs, my favorite shoes are my flip flops, I get my hair/nails done 1time every other year, I wear makeup 2times a month and am lucky if I shower daily. I show up to "work" every morning, no matter how bad my back hurts, how tired I am or how sick I am. Sometimes I cry, sometimes I wish, sometimes I dream but deep down, I wouldn't change a thing.